The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
