just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
