I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
