My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize