I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
