Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
