..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
