watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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