What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
