oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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