Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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