Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
