For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
