sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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