My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
