Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The uberlube is also flammable
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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