i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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