worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
