I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
