i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
