im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
