Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Ketchup is God's man juice
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
