Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
