My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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