Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
