If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
