Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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