if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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