Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
