marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You just made me feel so damn special
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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