I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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