I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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