Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
