I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
