If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
not ubering you a puppy
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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