Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
