My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
