Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
