I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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