I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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