Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
