Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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