Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
