Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize