I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
