i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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