Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
