Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
