come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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