I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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