You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Randomize
