One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize