Apparently you make a good broom.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Damn victory sex feels great
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