I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
