This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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