I just pynch a tree in the face
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
