the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
