why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
