I showed him my bush... on skype.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
