If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
