i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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