i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
