Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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