I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
