So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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